ZOMG ‘BLOG

Plants. Are we smarter than them? I mean really? Most people would say that we are but what is that based on? We don’t know how they think, how they perceive. Plants chill out. They move really slow. Maybe that is smart. I mean they live a long time. There are lots of them.
Don’t get me wrong now, I love humans. Some of my best friends are human. But I can’t let that bias me.

Sure a plant is not going to ever win a chess game vs a human. No one would have the patience to teach it. But a human is not going to win the classic plant game of “live for 500 years and grow 100 feet tall” anytime soon either.

I’m sure some people would like to argue that plants don’t have a complex central nervous system or blah blah blah. But if you’re gonna base it all on physical biology, than you might as well just say humans and plants are both just sets of deterministic atoms and neither is smarter. And maybe that is true, but it is a boring answer.

Anyway my point here is you shouldn’t underestimate plants’ intelligence, because maybe they will rule the Earth someday, or maybe they already do.

kthxbye.

Chimpanzees. They are hilarious, but they are also highly intelligent, kind of like Stephen Hawking. When they are not flying into space or acting in movies, many chimpanzees are involved in academic pursuits.

Now, I am no traitor to humanity, and I would never allow a PotA scenario to occur. But I do think that chimpanzees might have a lot to teach us about nature and the meaning of life and ourselves. And so if we worked harder to bridge the communications gap I believe we could have a valuable ally in our quest for truth.

We already know they are capable of learning and using sign language. Also, they can use typewriters. Now there is no point in teaching them phonics, as they are physically incapable of vocalizing in our language, but we could teach them to use a crude symbolic language of simplified words, with phrases such as “HOW R U”, “) PLZ”, and “THX LOL”. Combine this with the power of the Internet and chimpanzees and researchers all over the world could communicate with each other! We could even have chimpanzee ‘blogs!

Why something so obvious and useful has not already been done is beyond me.

kthxbye.

Humanity is running out of pre-concentrated fuel resources. We will soon have to stop being lazy and obtain energy the old fashioned way. We need to go directly to the source. The source I am talking about is our floating fusion friend, the Sun!

Solar cells are finally efficient enough to generate net power, but it still isn’t enough. We need more power. How to get more power? The answer is simple. We need to move closer to the Sun. Now I know what you’re thinking. “Won’t that get hot?” Of course it will. That’s ENERGY! BUT, we can then harness this energy and use massive equatorial steam generators to run all sorts of air conditioning systems, thus remaining comfortable.

Here is a problem. How do we move the earth? Well, good news: Scientists figured that out years ago!. Their idea was to move away from the Sun, far in the future when it gets too hot, but it is not bad for now so I would think we can get a little closer and still move away later. And thanks to the inverse square law we do not even need to move that much closer to see exponential gains in energy! But, every second we delay on this plan we are practically throwing energy away! Scientists really need to get moving!

ALSO DO NOT CALL THIS PLAN “PROJECT ICARUS” YOU SKEPTICS. IT WILL WORK.

kthxbye.

Fundamentally flawed concepts are being taught in science classes across the World. No, I’m not talking about evolution. I’m talking about the “Scientific Method”. It may surprise you to learn that scientists have willfully ignored a centuries old debate in the name of justifying their own existence.

The problem with the scientific method is twofold. First, it presumes a real observable world which we can interact with. The truth is that whether this world exists or not is up for debate, and it indeed has been debated since the dawn of rational thought. Yet science classes still take it upon themselves to force this epistemological assumption down the throats of our children. Particularly telling is the fact that certain of those who would force these ideas upon everyone refer to themselves as the “reality-based community”. I would maybe rather call them the “reality-biased community”.

SCIENCE MAKES UNJUSTIFIED PRESUMPTIONS.

The second and more serious problem with the scientific method is something called the “inductive reasoning”. It is ironic that many members of the “reality-based community” declaim holy texts such as the Bible for begging the question, yet most of the same conveniently fail to acknowledge that one of the main tools used in the scientific method shares this same flaw of self-justification. We simply cannot know the future with any degree of certainty. Duh.

SCIENTIFIC PREDICTION FAILS BASIC TESTS OF LOGIC.

Now despite these flaws I am not anti-science. I just think it needs to show a bit more humility. These methodical fortune tellers may have been lucky with their prognostications thus far (which is not necessarily an indication that they will or will not be lucky in the future), but they often fail to mention that their predictive theories are quite possibly meaningless except maybe for use in retrospective deduction. All I’m saying is they should precede each class with a disclaimer. Something simple like “Before you begin learning please be aware hat we are about to teach you may have no real meaning in reality if there even is reality.” I’m just asking for some intellectual honesty here.

kthxbye.

There is a great danger to the world which I have recently been alerted to. Diabolical chthonic predators plot against humanity at this very moment. You can see all the facts for yourself at OctopusTruth.com. I would not link to this if it was not important.

kthxbye.

World peace. It is a good idea … in theory. The problem is that it is a bit difficult to implement. Even world peace for a day would not be easy. And, as they say, you have to learn to walk before you can run. This is why I propose World Cupcake Day.

The idea is simple. One free cupcake, for every person on Earth, sponsored by all world governments and run by volunteers with government cooperation. Sure, it will be a challenge, but it’s a bit more achievable than world peace! That gives people hope! I imagine coordinating groups will have to work with local governments to work out effective cupcake distribution systems. And volunteers working on the project would have to learn about different cultures to find out what flavors, ingredients, and frosting colors will be acceptable in what areas. And all this will help increase global understanding and bring people closer together.

“But what about terrorists?” you ask? “Don’t terrorists hate cupcakes?” No. Even terrorists are okay with cupcakes. That is the beauty of this plan. Sure, maybe we can’t stop war. But imagine if everyone could just have a cupcake. Every person on Earth would feel at least little bit better for a moment, and isn’t that a good start?

kthxbye.

Time Machines. We’ve all heard about them. But they are not invented yet. Some say that the fact that time machines have never been observed coming back in time to them is evidence that they will never be invented. I say, “Pfft. Like time travellers would ever want to vist these naysayers.”

Here is the truth about time machines. Of course they will be invented. But they are not going to come back in time to see us without a good reason. So if you want to go to the future, give them a reason. I’ve know been a bit vauge, so allow me to outline a specific strategy for you here.

First we need to identify time travellers’ motivations. Who will invent time machines? Sorry, H.G. Wells; it’s not gonna be one guy in a shed. You need research teams and money. Well, an oppressive future government will be the most likely to have access to these resources. Okay. Why would they come back in time? Well obviously they won’t try much to change history; that’s already been established to be crazy, dangerous, and unlikely to be effective. So they need to grab resources that will have no further effect on history, but still have potential use. For instance, they will probably try to recuit retired great minds from the Information Era.

I think you can see where I’m going here. They will need great ‘bloggers to act as Information Command Officers to control the minds of heavily overpopulated sectors of the future with InfoBlasts. So that means if you want to see the future you need to start ‘blogging your ass of now so that you can be remembered and thus land yourself a nice cushy position in the eventual Information Buearacracy.

Now that I’ve written this, they probably won’t let me in out of spite, but that’s okay. I don’t write this for myself. I write this for the world.

kthxbye.

The video-gamers tell me it is the beginning of a new generation, and I have to agree. Already the new Xbox is beginning to take games into a 360 degree change of direction, and Nintendo promises a revolution, which of course takes longer than rotation, hence its later release date. But Sony’s innovative new system promises to combine rotating and revolving in a way that may change the world forever.

Sony’s real working boomerang controller promises incredible innovations in gameplay. Sure Nintendo tried to copy the motion-sensitive controller idea with their “stick controller”, but last I heard about that, it doesn’t even come back to you when you throw it! The gaming industry also sees clear possibilities for boomerang based gameplay. I have already heard that Capcom is working on a Megaman spin-off featuring the “Quick Man” character, and Konami is working on a new more boomerang-centric Castlevania game. I have also heard a rumor about Taito developing a sequel to Power Blade but this is unconfirmed.

Boomerang-gaming is not just a physical reality, but also a powerful metaphor. It is about trust. You trust in yourself to let go of your control for a second and hope that it will come back to you. It also gives us a strong connection to the real air and the real world while simultaneously immersing us in a game world. It is a blending of boundaries that allows us to consider more deeply our existence as mental beings.

And what does this all really mean for the World? For humankind? Well this is obviously another signal of the new age of rapid technological and cultural development which we are entering. The video-gamers call it the next generation of gaming, but I call it the dawning of a New Renaissance. First there were ‘blogs, next came boomerang-gaming, and what comes beyond our human imaginations can guess certainly at, but whatever is next, we can’t stop it.

kthxbye.

Finally, I have a real weblog, a truly efficient and effective way for me to express my individuality. This is amazing! I can tell the world anything I want to! Actually though… to spend it all talking about myself and my life would be such a waste of this awesome power… It’s obvious to anyone with a brain that weblogging is the future of the Internet, perhaps even the future of society. And so, to harness such a revolution for such trivial matters as self-reflection and personal expression would be downright wasteful, negligent even. No, this weblog will not be like so many other ‘blogs out there that waste their time with such frivolities as “cool Web links” and “global politics”. This is about truly important stuff only. Of course, I don’t mean to dismiss the many ‘blogs which document the struggle of human existence. Those are important too, in their own way. But there are plenty of them, a sufficient number, and not enough sites that discuss matters of universal importance. There are lots of things out there that affect the state of humanity profoundly besides weblogs. And so I will write about them here. For you. For the world.

kthxbye.