ZOMG ‘BLOG

In regards to the Internet, China is probably best known for their censorship and relative e-isolationism. But few realize the true reason. It is for the good of the rest of the Internet! If the Chinese government were to adopt and promote a liberal policy toward Internet the results could be disastrous.

In fact, the Chinese government knows this well, and may be holding this back as their trump card should there be a future international relations breakdown. The fact is, if the Chinese government decided to mobilize the general Chinese public into an army of ‘bloggers, it would be obvious to all that this was an Act of War.

Let me explain. According to the CIA World Factbook North America and Europe contain nearly half of the world’s 1 billion Internet users. China contains only 111,000,000 or 11% of the Internet users. HOWEVER, China contains 1.3 billion people, or 20% of the world’s population. Over 80% of those people are old enough to ‘blog. That is still nearly a billion potential ‘bloggers, or the entire current Internet population again, who could overwhelm and crush the Western ‘blogosphere, not just with their sheer numbers, but with surprising cultural force.

I mean, which ‘blog entry would be more interesting to read: “They didn’t have half-and-half at the coffee shop, AGAIN.” OR “10 ways my human rights were abused today.“? Would you like to see more pictures of cats, OR pictures of cats WITH PANDAS? And so on. It’s pretty obvious we would stand no chance. And so, honestly, I applaud the Chinese Government for their prudent restraint and non-abuse of the potent ‘blogging resource which they contain, and I am glad they are taking precautions when working with the Internet rather than working recklessly against it.

kthxbye.

There has been a lot of talk about global epidemics lately, but they all seem to fizzle out. I mean SARS, bird flu, etc. never managed to reach a truly impressive global scale. This may sound like a “good thing” but IT IS NOT. We NEED more global epidemics. The fate of the Earth depends on it!

Epidemics make us stronger. Obviously there are the evolutionary benefits i.e. the stronger humans survive. Of course the more clever microbes will survive this struggle as well so this would seem to be a never-ending stalemate. However, that is only true if you consider a closed reference frame of humans vs. microbes. The actual truth is that this constant struggle makes our whole planet stronger.

When aliens invade it will serve us well to have a planet that contains both mighty disease-resistant humans AND powerful, adaptable infectious microbes. While the diseases may appear to be our foes now, when the time comes they will be our powerful allies! The fact is that in the inevitable future galactic war the most fearsome aliens will be the filthiest ones with the most unstoppable germs. So remember, we must never let our battles with the microbes become too one-sided if we ever hope to become those filthy aliens!

kthxbye.

Debris. Waste. Junk. Garbage. We cast it away as useless, but the truth is it is the stuff of LIFE. Organic wastes provide food and habitats for all sorts of tiny creatures. Radioactive wastes help speed evolution (defective mutants are a natural part of evolution, FYI). Even things like shipwrecks at the bottom of the sea, quickly become teeming habitats for life even thought they are mostly just lifeless piles of wood and metal.

Out of all of the planets in the solar system, Earth, this planet, has the most garbage and junk and goo. We also have the most life. This is no coincidence. Now, I know life creates garbage, and that is one explanation for this corellation, but even before there was life on earth there was garbage. Lots of lava and space rock debris and space dust. This finally settled down into what could be described as a gas-covered soggy ball of dirt, and then there was life. It’s a cycle. Life creates garbage creates more life. Well that is simplifying things (energy is important too) but you get the idea.

Now life is good and all, but the kind of life that is in some of our garbage is just not cool for human life to co-habitate with at the time. Why not send that garbage to Mars? Yeah, just rocket our trash into Mars. After a decade or so of blasting Mars with trash rockets we could have a nice habitat for … “something”. Then we send some “seed life” and wait another decade and see what grows! This simple project would both solve our waste disposal problems and be an amazing experiment.

kthxbye.

Humanity is running out of pre-concentrated fuel resources. We will soon have to stop being lazy and obtain energy the old fashioned way. We need to go directly to the source. The source I am talking about is our floating fusion friend, the Sun!

Solar cells are finally efficient enough to generate net power, but it still isn’t enough. We need more power. How to get more power? The answer is simple. We need to move closer to the Sun. Now I know what you’re thinking. “Won’t that get hot?” Of course it will. That’s ENERGY! BUT, we can then harness this energy and use massive equatorial steam generators to run all sorts of air conditioning systems, thus remaining comfortable.

Here is a problem. How do we move the earth? Well, good news: Scientists figured that out years ago!. Their idea was to move away from the Sun, far in the future when it gets too hot, but it is not bad for now so I would think we can get a little closer and still move away later. And thanks to the inverse square law we do not even need to move that much closer to see exponential gains in energy! But, every second we delay on this plan we are practically throwing energy away! Scientists really need to get moving!

ALSO DO NOT CALL THIS PLAN “PROJECT ICARUS” YOU SKEPTICS. IT WILL WORK.

kthxbye.

There is a great danger to the world which I have recently been alerted to. Diabolical chthonic predators plot against humanity at this very moment. You can see all the facts for yourself at OctopusTruth.com. I would not link to this if it was not important.

kthxbye.

World peace. It is a good idea … in theory. The problem is that it is a bit difficult to implement. Even world peace for a day would not be easy. And, as they say, you have to learn to walk before you can run. This is why I propose World Cupcake Day.

The idea is simple. One free cupcake, for every person on Earth, sponsored by all world governments and run by volunteers with government cooperation. Sure, it will be a challenge, but it’s a bit more achievable than world peace! That gives people hope! I imagine coordinating groups will have to work with local governments to work out effective cupcake distribution systems. And volunteers working on the project would have to learn about different cultures to find out what flavors, ingredients, and frosting colors will be acceptable in what areas. And all this will help increase global understanding and bring people closer together.

“But what about terrorists?” you ask? “Don’t terrorists hate cupcakes?” No. Even terrorists are okay with cupcakes. That is the beauty of this plan. Sure, maybe we can’t stop war. But imagine if everyone could just have a cupcake. Every person on Earth would feel at least little bit better for a moment, and isn’t that a good start?

kthxbye.