ZOMG ‘BLOG

There has been a lot of talk about global epidemics lately, but they all seem to fizzle out. I mean SARS, bird flu, etc. never managed to reach a truly impressive global scale. This may sound like a “good thing” but IT IS NOT. We NEED more global epidemics. The fate of the Earth depends on it!

Epidemics make us stronger. Obviously there are the evolutionary benefits i.e. the stronger humans survive. Of course the more clever microbes will survive this struggle as well so this would seem to be a never-ending stalemate. However, that is only true if you consider a closed reference frame of humans vs. microbes. The actual truth is that this constant struggle makes our whole planet stronger.

When aliens invade it will serve us well to have a planet that contains both mighty disease-resistant humans AND powerful, adaptable infectious microbes. While the diseases may appear to be our foes now, when the time comes they will be our powerful allies! The fact is that in the inevitable future galactic war the most fearsome aliens will be the filthiest ones with the most unstoppable germs. So remember, we must never let our battles with the microbes become too one-sided if we ever hope to become those filthy aliens!

kthxbye.

Pain. No one likes it. (except for masochists, but anyway) But of course it is useful. For instance, it tells us when our food is burning us! But that is now. What if, in the future we had super-skin, highly-resistant to damage and scuffing? It would make sense to cure pain then, especially since stuff that used to hurt, just shouldn’t anymore, because it doesn’t damage us!

However, we suck at curing pain right now. Sure we have anaesthetics, but those are only useful in certain situations. So what is our best painkiller where you can maintain consciousness? Morphine? No offense to morphine-addicts, but as a “painkiller” it sucks. I mean it doesn’t really STOP pain, so much as it covers it up with crazy feelings and hallucinations or whatever, much like those “air-freshening” sprays cover up odors by filling the room with artificial lavender and citrus. And then there are plenty of other so-called painkillers, which actually work by “relieving the symptoms that cause pain”. That’s kind of sneaky, I think. Well, we are probably going to need some advanced micro-neurology before we come up with anything really good.

But by that point, we can probably cure more than just physical paint. We can make it so we don’t feel sad, or frustrated, or whatever. Would that be great? Some people say without bad things good things don’t have meaning, but maybe those people are the ones who don’t have meaning. Think about it: what if we cured, for example, hate. Does love lose meaning? I mean is hate even the opposite of love or is it apathy or something else? The truth is there are no clear opposites, and getting rid of the bad feelings could only stop the good things if they were even related. Duh.

I know what you are thinking. “But if people didn’t feel guilt or shame, wouldn’t they do bad things all the time?” No. They wouldn’t do bad things because they would have the painful desires that make people do bad things, like hunger, and lust, and greed, and etc. People would all become boring hippie-buddhas who love everything as it is and never want to do anything because they are just happy. (again except for masochists) And honestly, that would suck.

So basically what I am saying is you might as well enjoy your morphine if you have any.

kthxbye.

Scientists continue to work on mapping the neural pathways of the human brain. It is only a matter of time — around maybe 50–150 years — before we know the truth. Are we mere robots: mechanically more complex but fundamentally no different from a rock or a lever, or are we special beings with an intangible quality that takes us beyond being mere machines?

If we learn we are machines, what next? Should we move into a virtual reality of our own devising? Create new humans from scratch to prove we can? Drop all codes of ethics and morality on the pretense that we are all mere mechanisms and our actions are not really our own decide even though it may seem that way?

Or, on the other hand if we find out we are special, will that be justification enough for decades of robot slave labor? I mean they are just machines, right? They don’t have the secret aura or whatever.

But either way, the true important thing is that we must be prepared to use our new knowledge of the human brain to enable everyone to ‘blog by thinking. Documenting our experiences at this time will be very useful for future more enlightened generations (who will know the secret reason of why it actually doesn’t matter if we are mechanical or not.). They will be able to look back at us and laugh and laugh at how silly the old days were. But really they might need stories from the past to help them repair time rifts or something. Yet another possible reason that ‘blogging is important.

kthxbye.

In about 4 to 5 billion years our Sun’s core will exhaust its supply of hydrogen and begin to expand into a red giant. THIS COULD KILL US ALL. Unless… we stop it.

Current technology is not enough to prevent this cataclysm, BUT by the time 4 to 5 billion years later rolls around, or even before then, if we are still alive, we will be MUCH more highly advanced. We will have advanced brain powers, either through nanosynaptic augmentations which increase our brains’ speed and ability by many orders of magnitude, or through a mental interface to a fourth dimensional collective mindspace which allows all humans to share thoughts and learn from each other (not unlike the ‘blogosphere), or something else*. Anyway, with our highly advanced brainpower and technology we will be able to handle many things.

Even a simpleton from 2006 like me can make the simple and obvious calculation that by feeding Jupiter, which is mostly hydrogen, into the Sun, we can get several million more years out of it. And it is not beyond the realm of imagination that future generations will have even more brilliant ideas than me. So, all in all, this “Sun dying and killing us all with it” thing is probably not as inevitable as all these scientists whine about it being sometimes.

kthxbye.

(*please note that this billions of years later enlightened superbrain future is much later in time than the future when the dystopian world government will use time travel to recruit our near future’s retired ‘bloggers to power their Orwellian propaganda machines.)

Plants. Are we smarter than them? I mean really? Most people would say that we are but what is that based on? We don’t know how they think, how they perceive. Plants chill out. They move really slow. Maybe that is smart. I mean they live a long time. There are lots of them.
Don’t get me wrong now, I love humans. Some of my best friends are human. But I can’t let that bias me.

Sure a plant is not going to ever win a chess game vs a human. No one would have the patience to teach it. But a human is not going to win the classic plant game of “live for 500 years and grow 100 feet tall” anytime soon either.

I’m sure some people would like to argue that plants don’t have a complex central nervous system or blah blah blah. But if you’re gonna base it all on physical biology, than you might as well just say humans and plants are both just sets of deterministic atoms and neither is smarter. And maybe that is true, but it is a boring answer.

Anyway my point here is you shouldn’t underestimate plants’ intelligence, because maybe they will rule the Earth someday, or maybe they already do.

kthxbye.

Chimpanzees. They are hilarious, but they are also highly intelligent, kind of like Stephen Hawking. When they are not flying into space or acting in movies, many chimpanzees are involved in academic pursuits.

Now, I am no traitor to humanity, and I would never allow a PotA scenario to occur. But I do think that chimpanzees might have a lot to teach us about nature and the meaning of life and ourselves. And so if we worked harder to bridge the communications gap I believe we could have a valuable ally in our quest for truth.

We already know they are capable of learning and using sign language. Also, they can use typewriters. Now there is no point in teaching them phonics, as they are physically incapable of vocalizing in our language, but we could teach them to use a crude symbolic language of simplified words, with phrases such as “HOW R U”, “) PLZ”, and “THX LOL”. Combine this with the power of the Internet and chimpanzees and researchers all over the world could communicate with each other! We could even have chimpanzee ‘blogs!

Why something so obvious and useful has not already been done is beyond me.

kthxbye.

World peace. It is a good idea … in theory. The problem is that it is a bit difficult to implement. Even world peace for a day would not be easy. And, as they say, you have to learn to walk before you can run. This is why I propose World Cupcake Day.

The idea is simple. One free cupcake, for every person on Earth, sponsored by all world governments and run by volunteers with government cooperation. Sure, it will be a challenge, but it’s a bit more achievable than world peace! That gives people hope! I imagine coordinating groups will have to work with local governments to work out effective cupcake distribution systems. And volunteers working on the project would have to learn about different cultures to find out what flavors, ingredients, and frosting colors will be acceptable in what areas. And all this will help increase global understanding and bring people closer together.

“But what about terrorists?” you ask? “Don’t terrorists hate cupcakes?” No. Even terrorists are okay with cupcakes. That is the beauty of this plan. Sure, maybe we can’t stop war. But imagine if everyone could just have a cupcake. Every person on Earth would feel at least little bit better for a moment, and isn’t that a good start?

kthxbye.