ZOMG ‘BLOG

Chimpanzees. They are hilarious, but they are also highly intelligent, kind of like Stephen Hawking. When they are not flying into space or acting in movies, many chimpanzees are involved in academic pursuits.

Now, I am no traitor to humanity, and I would never allow a PotA scenario to occur. But I do think that chimpanzees might have a lot to teach us about nature and the meaning of life and ourselves. And so if we worked harder to bridge the communications gap I believe we could have a valuable ally in our quest for truth.

We already know they are capable of learning and using sign language. Also, they can use typewriters. Now there is no point in teaching them phonics, as they are physically incapable of vocalizing in our language, but we could teach them to use a crude symbolic language of simplified words, with phrases such as “HOW R U”, “) PLZ”, and “THX LOL”. Combine this with the power of the Internet and chimpanzees and researchers all over the world could communicate with each other! We could even have chimpanzee ‘blogs!

Why something so obvious and useful has not already been done is beyond me.

kthxbye.

Humanity is running out of pre-concentrated fuel resources. We will soon have to stop being lazy and obtain energy the old fashioned way. We need to go directly to the source. The source I am talking about is our floating fusion friend, the Sun!

Solar cells are finally efficient enough to generate net power, but it still isn’t enough. We need more power. How to get more power? The answer is simple. We need to move closer to the Sun. Now I know what you’re thinking. “Won’t that get hot?” Of course it will. That’s ENERGY! BUT, we can then harness this energy and use massive equatorial steam generators to run all sorts of air conditioning systems, thus remaining comfortable.

Here is a problem. How do we move the earth? Well, good news: Scientists figured that out years ago!. Their idea was to move away from the Sun, far in the future when it gets too hot, but it is not bad for now so I would think we can get a little closer and still move away later. And thanks to the inverse square law we do not even need to move that much closer to see exponential gains in energy! But, every second we delay on this plan we are practically throwing energy away! Scientists really need to get moving!

ALSO DO NOT CALL THIS PLAN “PROJECT ICARUS” YOU SKEPTICS. IT WILL WORK.

kthxbye.

Fundamentally flawed concepts are being taught in science classes across the World. No, I’m not talking about evolution. I’m talking about the “Scientific Method”. It may surprise you to learn that scientists have willfully ignored a centuries old debate in the name of justifying their own existence.

The problem with the scientific method is twofold. First, it presumes a real observable world which we can interact with. The truth is that whether this world exists or not is up for debate, and it indeed has been debated since the dawn of rational thought. Yet science classes still take it upon themselves to force this epistemological assumption down the throats of our children. Particularly telling is the fact that certain of those who would force these ideas upon everyone refer to themselves as the “reality-based community”. I would maybe rather call them the “reality-biased community”.

SCIENCE MAKES UNJUSTIFIED PRESUMPTIONS.

The second and more serious problem with the scientific method is something called the “inductive reasoning”. It is ironic that many members of the “reality-based community” declaim holy texts such as the Bible for begging the question, yet most of the same conveniently fail to acknowledge that one of the main tools used in the scientific method shares this same flaw of self-justification. We simply cannot know the future with any degree of certainty. Duh.

SCIENTIFIC PREDICTION FAILS BASIC TESTS OF LOGIC.

Now despite these flaws I am not anti-science. I just think it needs to show a bit more humility. These methodical fortune tellers may have been lucky with their prognostications thus far (which is not necessarily an indication that they will or will not be lucky in the future), but they often fail to mention that their predictive theories are quite possibly meaningless except maybe for use in retrospective deduction. All I’m saying is they should precede each class with a disclaimer. Something simple like “Before you begin learning please be aware hat we are about to teach you may have no real meaning in reality if there even is reality.” I’m just asking for some intellectual honesty here.

kthxbye.