DUDE I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED MY AUTOMOBILE
		
				by

			    Matt Walsh


								 FADE IN:

INT. MISCHEVIOUS DUDE'S LIVING ROOM -- DAY                              1

MISCHEVIOUS DUDE is standing in his living room shirtless, with his hands 
on his hips, and peering out the large bay windows at the empty driveway 
incredulously.  RASCALLY DUDE enters through the already open front door.


                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           Dude, I seem to have misplaced my automobile 
           during a night of hedonistic indulgences 
           which I, unfortunately, cannot recall.

                        RASCALLY DUDE 
           I find that difficult to believe, yet a glance
           at the driveway confirms this.  So, what will 
           you do now?

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           Do not worry, I have car insurance-- Hey, were 
           you aware that you had a tattoo on your back?

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           I was not.  What does it say?

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           "Dude."

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           Do you mean the word "dude" is imprinted on my
           back, or are you merely exclaiming "dude" as
           you are often wont to do?

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           I mean the word is written on your back.

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           Ah thanks for the clarification; that surely
           avoided some confusion. Hey, did you know that
           you also have a word tattooed on your back?

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           No I did not. What does it say?

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           "Sweet."

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           The word?

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           Correct.

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           Oh my! well it appears we have been scarred 
           for life on the sake of some intoxicated 
           whim-- Hey, look across the street, dude!

RASCALLY DUDE looks out the window.

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           Egads! Is that your vehicle?

MISCHEVIOUS DUDE stands next to RASCALLY DUDE and also looks out the window.

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           Indeed it is.  I must have parked out on the
           street, rather than in the driveway...

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           ...And you merely jumped to the conclusion
           that you had lost it upon seeing the empty
           driveway.

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           Precisely.  But, I don't know what could have 
           caused me to become so paranoid as to so 
           easily make an assumption like that.

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           Oh well.  Let us celebrate the re-discovery of
           your automobile by consuming some controlled
           substances.

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           While that sounds as though it would be quite
           enjoyable, this incident, despite being a mere
           false alarm, has made me realize that
           substance abuse will ultimately cause me
           nothing but trouble, and from times hereon I
           do forswear it!

                        RASCALLY DUDE
           Dude! But, perhaps you are correct.  Maybe we
           should simply watch television instead.

                        MISCHEVIOUS DUDE
           Why yes, dude. I do quite enjoy the animated
           chicanery that appears on the picturebox
           around this time. Ah, surely there is no other 
           form of entertainment as convenient and
           wholesome as television!

MISCHEVIOUS DUDE and RASCALLY DUDE sit on the couch. RASCALLY DUDE grabs the 
remote and stars flipping channels.

                                                         STAR WIPE TO BLACK:

                            THE END.